Hello old friend...

Well. I just realised it's been nearly a year since I last blogged. Life just took over and my humble little blog went into hiatus.


But I thought I'd come back. I've got a lot on my mind and I need to let it all out. Firstly I would like to say that my absence wasn't unproductive - quite the opposite in fact. I had an awesome first year at Uni and passed all 4 subjects with Distinctions and High Distinctions. So I decided that I had what it takes to tackle a full time uni year so that's what I'm doing this year. I'm also currently studying a summer semester and instead of doing this I really should be studying for an exam I have on Monday.


So.... here's where I'm at. Things have happened that have made me question myself, my friendships and life in general. I feel like I'm surrounded by by people who don't understand me. I feel like I'm not allowed to be me because others are more needy than I am, so anything I say or do seems to pale in comparison. Things have happened that shouldn't have and I think I have ruined a special friendship because of it. I hate myself for that and if I could turn back time and change things I would. But I want to make amends for that and I haven't been given an opportunity to do it. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens with that, but my door is always open so I hope that in time I can fix this.


I also feel like I am being torn in 10 different directions all at once. My Mum hasn't had the best of health so I'm running around helping her - which I really don't mind doing but it has placed a strain on things with The Farmer and me. Nothing has been said, but I know it's there. To make things worse, he is under a lot of stress at the moment too. We are facing the reality of having to spend several hundred thousand dollars buying plant and machinery because of his asshat brother. And that right there is a whole other issue as well.




And to cap it off my dog is dying. At best she will only have a few days left before she passes away. She's refused food now for 4 days. Not even Schmackos are enough to get her to eat. Schmackos to Marvin were like crack to a drug addict. There was nothing she wouldn't do for one of those tasty little morsels so when she refuses point blank to eat one I know she doesn't have long. As The Farmer said tonight, it's like she is refusing all treatment, as if she was a person saying they don't want to live anymore. It breaks my heart to see her like this. She looks like one of those poor animals on the RSCPA show on TV where the dogs are all starved. But I don't think she is in any pain, just an old dog at the end of her life. She has been my 'Manager' for 13 years now which makes her very old in people years so it's not unexpected but we didn't think it would happen. I said my goodbyes tonight though just in case she decides to leave us overnight. I know she is only a dog, but I owe it to her to say goodbye and let her know how much I will miss her.


I may or may not be back soon, but for now I am done.